Hey all

Found this on the Brindabella Motorsport Club Rallying FAQ in amongst all the serious stuff. Thought it'd give you all a laugh like it did me.

If I put a 3 foot high spoiler on my Hyundai Excel, how many more chicks will I get on Friday night?
Depends....How sik is your Dolby Pro-Logic Systems? Are your wheels very shiny? How loud is your "Phoooooooshhhh" valve? Do you have to drive over speed bumps at a 45 degree angle? The optimum ratio for rear wing hieght on a Hyundai Excel is directly proportional to the amount spent on the stereo system as a function of the value of the vehicle. SO if your Excel is worth $4,000 (overvalued, I know, but for the purposes of the exercise...), and your stereo is $12,000 (including sub-woofers), then your stereo to car value ratio is 3:1...whcih would mean that a three foot rear wing would be ideal...

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Bob Slattery
Duffman Says A Lot of Things - OH YEAH!!

How sik is your Dolby Pro-Logic Systems? sik
Are your wheels very shiny? Chrome shiny
How loud is your "Phoooooooshhhh" valve? Set on full noise
Do you have to drive over speed bumps at a 45 degree angle? Yes

that would make me a ricer I guess

but thats in the 'other car', not the Mini

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78 van 1300 cam extractors weber, 12" Superlights Metros Konis HiLos MP3 Amp Sub Alpine speakers and lots of fur
www.crazybitchracing.com

Ahh no, my "other car" may be classed as rice too then?

It has a fully sik stereo, big deep shiny wheels and makes a big whooshy sound when releasing 20psi of pressure. AND since my air suspension died I have to go over speed bumps slowly too.

Bring out the chopsticks boys..


P.S. It isn't really rice, she does 11 sec 1/4 passes with 400+rwhp No spoiler so I might be safe from the rice call.

i drive over most speed bumps in the mini at 30-45 degree angle.

I am all for turbo cars (I love my XT Forester to death and would have had a WRX or B4 or GT Liberty instead if it could go down my driveway in any of them! That being said, 0-100 in 5.3s stock is fast enough for me and beats a stock WRX and most other riced small cars - if I really want to go fast, i get on the bike for 0-100 in 3s. ) , but BOV's that vent to atmosphere, turbo timers and milo tin mufflers are just plain shite IMHO. None of these are required other than for wank factor. Oh, and neons and battlestar gallactica style wings and blue bulbs in the headlights and monster tachos and shift lights and guages mounted on the bonnet and though rim that have and outer section that spins when you stop and LED's in the tail pipe and IC's that are the entire front of the car 18-20"+ rims and monster stickers with "DriftKing" and VeilSide decals and bif stickers on the windscreen that have crap like "Civic" (thanks for the info, with all that shite hanging off that piece of crap i never would have guessed) or "NISMO" or "SUMO" and and... I do like big stereos though.

My 2.2c worth GST inc.

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Morphias.
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If you're not living on the edge, you're taking up too much space...

Fully sik bro!

I have to drive over speed bumps slowly too! Not by choice believe me!

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Lillee - 1969 Morris Mini K

SCUSE me!
1. Girls dont do it for the wank factor
2. BOVs DO actually have a mechanical benefit, keep turbo revs higher between gear changes, reducing lag and extend life of the turbo
3. I dont have a turbo timer but should, hardly wank factor if it saves your turbo life.

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78 van 1300 cam extractors weber, 12" Superlights Metros Konis HiLos MP3 Amp Sub Alpine speakers and lots of fur
www.crazybitchracing.com

Touchy topic alert!

Hows the weather up where you are Jan?

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Lillee - 1969 Morris Mini K

So Jill are you saying that:

1. Girls don't masturbate?
2. BOVs need to vent into the atmosphere to be effective?

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"Life is not like a box of chocolates... it's more like a jar of jalapenos. Whatever you do today, may burn your arse tomorrow."

Different horses for different courses!

Turbo timers are unnecessary I agree to that. If you don't know how hard you have been driving your car before you turn it off (not leaving enough time for your turbo to cool) then you are the dummy and deserve the rebuild cost. Also if you crash, the timer keeps the engine running.

Agreed
Stickers - yes, big wings - yes, other ricey crap you mentioned - yes. Although, I had my sponsors stickers on my windscreen.. They are off now.

Disagree
Big intercooler - no I am not making up for penis size (my other car is a mini and I ride a baby 250 roadbike) I live in central/north Qld (hot as) and my turbo can handle up to 900hp - I'd like the air to be as chilled as possible as it is forced through.

Big rims - I have 18x10's on the rear 18x9.5 on the front and they still look tiny (wide body kit) - admitidly 18" wheels on excels makes me feel all sad inside.

I have a 3" zaust.. Any bigger is silly as it causes back pressure problems.

BOV that vent to atmosphere - hmm, toughie - my engine management and turbo setup isn't suited to a plum back style and rather than risk my turbo making a big metal grating noise I'll keep my BOV and setup as it is. Some plum backs still make pshing noises though!!

I'd love a Forrester, very nice cars.. I was trying to talk the boss into leasing one for work. He didn't buy it though. Gee I jsut read this back, I didn't realise I was so touchy!

That's a pretty interesting point, I never thought of that........But.....doesn't the timer only engage once you kill the ingition?

no turbo timers keep the motor running
turbo timers are good for people like me who drive a big truck and when you get to a site and need to unload you switch of the ignition and leave the turbotimers to cool things down ..............
not good in a car with big wheels turbo and crap ... you jump out leave it on 3 mins ..... walk away 30 sec later some lowlife walks up to your car and it's gorn
makka

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Anonymous moderation means the agro that is built up towards the mods isn't aimed at an individual (fewer "Makk" attacks). Less stress for mods means less moderator "retirements".

So you've been to the Newcastle Foreshore then?

hahaha, there are a couple of guys at work that have big 4wd ute things, they also have turbotimers. they just park the ute, get out and walk away - i always wonder if i should tell them they left their car running, then after about 30sec it turns off

anyway, i once read a thing on how to drive a VL commodore - one of the points it made was that you should drive over speed bumps as slow as possible to make people think your car is lower than it actually is, now i drive over as slow as i possibly can.

NOTE: I don't drive a VL

Morphias, i suggest you check Jill's site and click on her car to see whether her 200sx is all "show" and no go............. i think you'll be eating some humble pie sooner than you think

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I got nuthin......................