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drmini in aust
 Post subject: Lucas Electric jokes...
PostPosted: Thu Sep 09, 2004 7:47 am 
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Got this off the MiniPortal board... enjoy! 8)


The Lucas motto: "Get home before dark."

Lucas denies having invented the darkness. But they still claim the "sudden, unexpected darkness"

Lucas is the patent holder for the short circuit.

Lucas - Inventor of the first intermittent wiper.

Lucas - Inventor of the self-dimming headlamp.

The three position Lucas switch - Dim, ****** and Off. The other three switch settings - Smoke, Smolder and Burn.

The Original Anti-Theft Device - Lucas Electrics.

"I have had a Lucas pacemaker for years and have never had any trou...

If Lucas made guns, wars would not start either.

Did you hear about the Lucas powered torpedo - It sank!

It's not true that Lucas, in 1947, tried to get Parliament to repeal Ohm's Law. They withdrew their efforts when they meet too much resistance.

Did you hear the one about the guy that peeked into a Land Rover and asked the owner "How can you tell one switch from another at night,as they all look the same ?" "He replied, it does not matter which one you use, nothing happens !"

Back in the 70's, Lucas decided to diversify its product line and began manufacturing vacuum cleaners. It was the only product they offered which did not suck.

Alexander Graham Bell invented the Telephone. Thomas Edison invented the Light Bulb. Joseph Lucas invented the Short Circuit.

Recommended procedure before taking on a repair of Lucas equipment: Check the position of the stars, kill a chicken and walk three times sunwise around your car chanting: " Oh mighty Prince of Darkness protect your unworthy servant.."

Lucas systems actually use AC current; it just has a random frequency that's all.

Why do the English drink their beer WARM? Because their refrigerators are made by Lucas

Quality Assurance phoned and advised the Engineering guy that they had trouble with his design shorting out. So he made the wires longer.

LUCAS = Lord of Utter Chaos And Saprogenicity

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DrMini- 1970 wasaMatic 1360, Mk1S crank, 86.6HP (ATW) =~125 @ crank, 45 Dellorto (38 chokes), RE282 sprint cam, 1.5 rockers, 11.0:1 C/R. :mrgreen:
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Wombat
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PostPosted: Thu Sep 09, 2004 8:59 am 
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:lol:

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rampage101
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PostPosted: Thu Sep 09, 2004 10:09 am 
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Nice :D
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min13k
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PostPosted: Thu Sep 09, 2004 12:06 pm 
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ohmmmmmmmmmm oooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhmmmmmmmm
he he he vacume cleaner that dont suck haw haw haw
makka

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Anto
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PostPosted: Thu Sep 09, 2004 1:17 pm 
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Ha ha yeah the vacuum cleaner one makes me laugh every time! I had a visit by the prince of darkness the other night in the rain. Car started running on less than the full quota of cylinders and wouldn't go past four grand. Damn wet ignition! And I have electric ignition!

And then the headlights started to ****** and I new my car had been possessed......
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Morris 1100
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PostPosted: Sun Sep 12, 2004 1:11 am 
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I have a Lucas Computer on my Austin Montego! It controls the operation of the SU carby! It don't work and it smells fried!
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drmini in aust
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PostPosted: Sun Sep 12, 2004 6:59 am 
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Morris 1100 wrote:
I have a Lucas Computer on my Austin Montego! It controls the operation of the SU carby! It don't work and it smells fried!


Hmmmm `Lucas Computer'- isn't that an oxymoron? (doesn't compute..) :lol:

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DrMini- 1970 wasaMatic 1360, Mk1S crank, 86.6HP (ATW) =~125 @ crank, 45 Dellorto (38 chokes), RE282 sprint cam, 1.5 rockers, 11.0:1 C/R. :mrgreen:
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Morris 1100
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PostPosted: Sun Sep 12, 2004 8:14 pm 
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Isn't an oxymoron a stupid welder?


Last edited by Morris 1100 on Sun Sep 12, 2004 8:21 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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drmini in aust
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PostPosted: Sun Sep 12, 2004 8:20 pm 
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"....... stupid welder"
Hey lets not call each other names, yet... :shock:

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DrMini- 1970 wasaMatic 1360, Mk1S crank, 86.6HP (ATW) =~125 @ crank, 45 Dellorto (38 chokes), RE282 sprint cam, 1.5 rockers, 11.0:1 C/R. :mrgreen:
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68matic
PostPosted: Sun Sep 12, 2004 8:48 pm 
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drmini in aust wrote:
Alexander Graham Bell invented the Telephone. Thomas Edison invented the Light Bulb. Joseph Lucas invented the Short Circuit.


Lucas' first name is actually F*cking

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min13k
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PostPosted: Sun Sep 12, 2004 11:31 pm 
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there used to be a busker in the cross who had a song called wy wifes in love with a vacume cleaner ........... hmmm not a lucas i would surmise
makka

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MiniK
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PostPosted: Tue Sep 14, 2004 11:49 am 
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:lol:


Recommended procedure before taking on a repair of Lucas equipment: Check the position of the stars, kill a chicken and walk three times sunwise around your car chanting: " Oh mighty Prince of Darkness protect your unworthy servant.."

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